I was recounting with Tarun and a dear friend the weirdest things people have said to us along with encouraging comments from others that have propelled us forward in unexpected ways. Not run-of-the-mill stuff like the times we’ve been ghosted or received positive feedback that we expected. We were recounting how words have been used as weapons to cut us off at the knees, and conversely, encouragement that surprised us.
“Do I look like someone who eats fruits??”
— Recipient of a fruit basket I put together which was delivered by my friend
We don’t know what someone who eats fruits looks like, but after this episode we know what someone who does not eat fruits looks like! We donated the rejected basket so it wouldn’t come home to remind us of this bizarre experience.
“…no one [has the right] to take anything without my permission.”
— Deeply offended acquaintance
Spurred by the thought that I acted egregiously, this person put me in my place by reading the riot act. Instead of going on the offense, I chose to apologize for giving the impression that I am remotely capable of stealing! I am not good with apologizing when I didn’t do the thing I am being accused of, but I’ve learned from Tarun there is no point in setting fire to our lives unless absolutely necessary.
“Don’t raise your voice at me!”
— Office manager at a doctor’s office
On being told that the practice doesn’t take my insurance after they had the information for weeks, I had a meltdown and told the said office manager this level of incompetence is stunning. To have her be rude in return stopped me in my tracks. She made me realize that hitting back with a Google review is more effective.
“I knew this wouldn’t work the minute I saw you!”
— Client who obviously didn’t care for me
Ah, I asked aloud, is it because I am Indian or woman? In other words, do you prefer to be a racist or a misogynist because I am cool with either or both. The upgraded version of me will likely walk away, but no promises.
“Honey, if I put bags in the overhead bin every time someone asked, I wouldn’t have a back left!”
— Flight attendant
I sought help from her after unexpectedly throwing my back out while waiting to board. She walked away leaving me struggling to lift my bag until a kind passenger came to my rescue. When I board and deplane I compulsively look to see if anybody near me needs help.
“I saw what you did!”
— Random customer in a big box store
Tarun encountered this caustic comment as he walked past a pile of shoes that had fallen off a display. Assuming only he could be capable of destroying a display in such a vile manner, this vigilante chastised Tarun with conviction. To this day, Tarun will not walk into an aisle where goods are scattered on the floor.
Countering these bizarre episodes are the many comments and acts that have boosted our confidence unexpectedly.
“You play quite well, come practice with the school team.”
— Sixth grade Jesuit teacher
This Father encouraged Tarun after seeing him bowl at a cricket game. A professor gave Tarun a ride in his car to help him with a challenging class while they went to a common destination. A boss once told him that he is too hard on himself professionally which helped with the necessary recalibration. This trifecta fueled young Tarun for decades.
“It’s good to have a friend who can solve our problems.”
— CxO
This executive calling me his friend immediately equalized our relationship and gave us confidence that he would carefully consider and adopt our recommendations.
“Hahaha!”
— Kids
Nothing brings a smile like offering “cool” to the kids! This single-handedly neutralizes the crap that comes our way.
Tarun rarely reacts to words that slice. Have I felt like striking back at the negative comments - you know me, of course! He has impressed upon me that restraint is a better pill in many situations. The person yelling at us isn’t going to change, so might as well learn how to cope. I do admit that the instinct to counter forcefully hasn't disappeared despite his valiant efforts; it lurks right under the surface.
On the other hand, there's no better fuel for our mental health than positive comments. They make the world brighter, elevate the deliverer’s worth in our lives and motivate us to give back. As we enter the season of giving, let the bizarre wash over us and make us more resilient. May the light shine through all the noise. May we be enriched by random acts of kindness delivered and received.
This week marks two years since my brother passed. When he left, I entrusted him to watch over us and make wonderful things happen from the great beyond. May he give me sense to offer positivity so I will have more stories worth telling.
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